Updates

I can't believe how much space this baby is taking up inside of me! I also can't believe I'm still so tired and achey. I guess it's my insides squishing together that makes me feel cramped. My legs are starting to ache, around my ankles. I can tell they feel tighter, although I'm not seeing swelling yet. I get headaches and feel nauseated and/or have indigestion at night. My moods are less stable than they have been, but I'm trying hard to keep them in check.

I've established that I am feeling baby movements for the past week or so! For me, it feels like a light muscle twitch, kind of like when you get that pesky, embarrassing twitch in your eyelid. Except of course, this is anything but pesky or embarrasing. It's wonderful! I talk to him now, asking him what he wants to eat or how things are going down there. Jason had that epiphony the other day. He looked at my round, obvious pregnant tummy and said, "Wow, that's my son in there!" And he had a glow to him when he said it. That made me really happy! He's touching my belly more and speaking to him. Pregnancy is so fun!

Today, I'm going to start painting the baby's room 'Pale Sunshine.' It's gonna look great with all the black and espresso furniture we have for him. It's definitely starting to pull together now, with a crib, changing table and dresser in there.

This Thursday is the official 20-week ultrasound, where we finally settle on gender (even though we got a sneek peek at 12-weeks and are 99% sure it's a boy) and get all his major organs checked out. This time, we'll be taking the video camera with to get all his squirming, bouncing and hopefully thumb-sucking caught on camera for all to see!

And one more momentous thing that happened this month was designating godparents for Boston. Becky and Greg Johnson, who couldn't be more perfect for the task, are like family to us and we want Boston to have that same sense. Jason and I love our families, but unfortunately they live so far away. So in their absence, he's sure to have all the love and support he needs. However, we still anticipate that his grandparents will be seeing plenty of him...How can they resist?!

Slowing Down

It just isn't easy to do! Any nurse would know this. In my profession, we're used to thinking fast on our feet and scurrying around like a squirrel to get things done. Nurses hussle! So for one, slowing down at work takes alot of conscious effort. I have to remind myself to stay paced, especially when the day is looking long, like 12hours long. Pregnancy is full of surprises. I knew there would be physical demands, but I never knew just how hard it would be to make this baby! I get tired just standing upright! I get tired sitting here typing. And if I'm not thinking about laying down, I'm thinking about food. I feel like a human generator, making and kicking out loads of energy on a continuous basis. I checked in with with cardiologist per my OB's request just to be sure my heart was handling the demands okay. Yeah, it seems so. I'll be walking around with a Holter monitor in a week to take pictures of my heart ryhthm and getting an ultrasound of my heart, too. But doing so is nothing to worry about, just a way of completing the workup. The cardiologist was really nice and I left the office feeling reassured that everything was fine. Meanwhile, I'm looking forward to cutting back my hours at work the end of this month so I can last longer there and keep comfortable while doing it.

It seems our little baby has a cousin on the way too! My sister Laura just got her ultrasound today and he looks like a little gummy bear. Awesome! I just I were geographically closer to her so we could go through our pregnancies together.

What to do with "the girls"....

Go up a size! Today was so exciting. I went from a 34A to a 36B overnight! I love pregnancy! Then, I bought cocoa butter lotion so that I wouldn't get stretch marks in places I don't want to grow. Except the belly, of course :) Jason is finally noticing my belly and gave it a little rub today. It's becoming real for him and that makes me happy.

We made our decision about me going part time. Since my work can't give me 8 hr. shifts with part time hours, I decided to go per diem. This is great because per diem gives me alot more flexibility by letting me choose how much, how little, and when I want to work, so that as the pregnancy gets further along, I can ease out rather than just quit when it gets too hard. Also, it takes the pressure off of having to "close" at night which is unpredictable and stressful. It cuts into dinner time and makes my sleeping schedule worse. Being pregnant, I am learning that eating and sleeping good are key to keeping comfortable all day long. Although being per diem drops my insurance benefits, Jason's insurance will pick me up. Besides, I found out my insurance wasn't that great afterall. You'd think being pregnant was some sort of disease the way some insurance companies handle it!

Cutting back my hours will be a financial adjustment, but fortunately we were already planning on it and have just about everything paid off. This will be good practice for living on one income and budgeting well. I get it now, why alot of moms don't have the most expensive clothes and trendy haircuts. I'm already feeling like a mom, and the sacrifice is WELL worth it!

Part-time or not? Help!

I'm getting closer to switching to part-time, but wrestling with feelings of guilt. I feel pressure to be the kind of girl who works full-time and practically goes into labor at work, but I'm just not that person. I always knew that I wanted my career to take the back burner soon into my pregnancy, but now that it's here, I feel so guilty about doing that!

Nursing is all about serving and I've always felt that the people that are drawn to this field have such a complex about pleasing people. I am one of those, and I feel so compelled to please my husband, my coworkers and my friends with this choice to stay full-time or not.

Right now, I work 2-10hr shift and 1-12hr shift. This has to stop. Marathon days leave me feeling winded and sick. There is the option of shortening those days and doing 4-8hr shifts. And yet, I'm not comfortable with that option either because it may be spreading myself thinner. What I really want is to work 3-8hr shifts, but I feel like I'm letting everyone down.

I've talked about it with Jason, and he is agreeable to whatever I feel I need to do. But I'm not sure what I need, just what seems ideal to me. Just because I'm pregnant, does that mean I should have the most ideal of situations when I decide I'm ready? How hard do I need to push myself to prove that this is what I need?