Drove around with Boston for an hour today, not knowing where to turn. It's Friday and Jason works the evening shift, leaving at noon to go to work. I dread Friday's and Saturdays for this reason. It's lonely enough being home with an infant all day, not to mention all night too.
For most of my life, I've had to go looking for family outside my "home." Now that I've started my own family, I still feel that way sometimes. That survival switch kicks on sometimes and I go searching. But I get so tired of having to go crawling around for a place of belonging when I'm feeling down. Of all times, that's the worst to go looking for support. It just feels so terribly pathetic. Eventually, you have blown things so way out of proportion in your head that you think no place is safe to let your drama spill over.
I don't know what got me starting the day off on this foot, but it ended up looking like a quiet drive on the freeway along the foothills with a sleeping baby (thank goodness) in the backseat. I went through drive-through for lunch and we managed to kill the first few hours of the afternoon.